“I created you from one soul, and from that soul I created it’s mate, so that you may live in harmony and love” Quran 7:189
Sometimes when you’re getting to know someone, you really think that they’re the perfect match; you get along great, have banter, they tell you all the things you want to hear…but then it doesn’t work out. Either they disappear or things fizzle out, and you sit there wondering, “why did I waste so much time on one person?!”
You’re not alone, it happens to the best of us, which is why we’ve made this list of 5 traits you should look out for to see if someone would make a great life partner, and how to attract them.
1. They’re Serious
Sometimes you just want to have some banter with your match or a little harmless flirtation; but if that’s all you talk about, and there’s never any mention of marriage or meeting your parents, then do you really think they’ll make a great life partner? Having someone serious about you and marriage is so important, because it can literally be the difference between you wasting months getting to know someone and coming out with nothing, compared to you actually getting married..
If you find someone who avoids the serious marriage questions and just seems to want a bit of fun, then reconsider continuing the conversation. If you see that the conversation isn’t going anywhere after one week and no serious questions are asked, no phone calls or meet ups, then unmatch them.
Even after meeting and phone calls, if they haven’t told their families or friends, this is pretty concerning. Your time is too precious to be wasted. It may be fun talking to them, they may make you feel good and happy but we are not looking for a temporary relationship, we are here for a life partner, someone that will make us feel permanently happy Inshallah!
How to attract someone serious: Let your intentions be known right from the start. If you want to get married within a couple of months, say so. Ask all the right questions, ask about their families. If they’re acting shifty they’re probably not ready for marriage, and so in the long run wouldn’t make a great life partner. You can also add a chaperone to your muzmatch conversations so your match knows you’re serious and have pure intentions only.
2. They’re Loyal
This is a very important trait in a life partner, you want someone that will be loyal to you, that will always support you and fight your corner. How can you tell if they’re going to be loyal from now? Well it’s the small things you need to look out for, are they getting to know multiple other people while you’re just focusing on them? Do they take days to reply without any explanation? If so, then they may be keeping their options open, and if that doesn’t work for you, move on.
How to attract someone loyal: First of all, you need to be honest yourself, are you loyal? Are you talking to several people at once or only focusing on one person? The key is being honest and transparent, if you’re only focusing on the one person you’re talking to, let them know and see if they feel the same. If they don’t, well, you know to move on to the next person.
3. Someone that puts in effort
A no brainer- you want someone who will give you their effort and time. Someone who will appreciate you. If they disappear without any excuses and take days to reply now, do you think they’ll treat you differently once married?
No matter how good looking, pious or polite they are, if they’re not showing interest in you, they’re not worth it. You will definitely find someone who WILL invest their time in you too.
How to attract someone that puts in effort: This is difficult as you can’t force someone to put effort in, it’s more that you need to notice whether they’re interested in you, whether they’re starting conversations, trying to get family involved etc. If they’re not, then this is your cue to move onto the next person. You deserve someone that’ll put in all the effort, because you’re worth that. Know your worth, and act it.
Honesty in a relationship is a MUST. You want a spouse you can trust with your life, your children…because guess what? Those are the things you’ll be sharing with them!
If someone has lied to you on the app about their job, degree, where they live etc.- even if it’s the smallest of lies, it’s a red flag. Why do they feel the need to lie, and if it’s so easy for them to lie about something this small, can they lie about bigger things too?
And then there are the people who get very worried when you discover a mutual friend, or even follow their social media. This is a concern. A genuine, honest, good person wouldn’t have these worries. Any lies discovered at this stage is a RED FLAG as sometimes people then discover more lies after marriage, when it is too late.
How to attract someone honest: This may sound extreme, but get a thorough background check. If someone is series about marrying you, this shouldn’t bother them, because they should be doing the same. Ask all the relevant questions, meet their friends and families. If someone doesn’t want you to do a background check and starts acting a bit awkward about it- well maybe they have something to hide.
When considering a spouse for marriage, someone who you will be spending your whole life with, you need to acknowledge that arguments will happen. It’s only normal as two people, two families come together, sometimes of different backgrounds and ethnicities can be a challenge.
This is when compromise comes in. When respect is still maintained even after an argument, then this is a good sign. Anyone dropping any sly criticism about family, culture, opinions then think again. Love is a big part of marriage but without respect it is futile.
How to attract someone respectful: Don’t compromise on your standards. If they make you feel you have to compromise or change, but don’t change or try to meet you halfway, it sounds like bad news. You need someone that’ll respect you enough now to respect you in marriage.
And there you have it: 5 traits that we think will make a great Muslim life partner!